You slowly size up the distance between the top of the chair and the desk. You want to make this jump absolutely perfect. In your mind, there are floating cat math equations, like A² + B² = ?.

Having fully prepared, you leap from the chair and land on the desk, but…

CRASH! The chair flies backwards and knocks into a bunch of framed portraits of the human president’s family. This is not going as planned.

“Excuse me, gentlemen,” the president says, then gets up and walks over to you with a spray bottle. “But I need to impeach my goddamn cat.”

You scurry left and right on the desk, but you’re panicked and not thinking straight. The president sprays you repeatedly with water from the bottle. These impeachment proceedings are grueling, humiliating, and horribly moistening.

Two humans in black suits enter to usher you and the other humans out of the room. Normally you scratch and bite the hands of the black suited strangers who picked you up, but this one has a fascinating smell. Like they’ve been rubbed up against by another cat. A sexy cat?! This will require a lengthy, smell-based investigation.

THE END